Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
