At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
