i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
