At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
