And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
