his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
