I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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