She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
