How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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