I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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