do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
