I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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