There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
