Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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