he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
