3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Life is so much better after having sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
