so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
