The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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