I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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