The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
