so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
