I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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did i walk over a car last night?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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