he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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