apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
