Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
