I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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