Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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