i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
