Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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