I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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