That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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