I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
