i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
