Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
