Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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