summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
