My balls are so social today.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize