He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
