I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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