now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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