they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
