I'm so fucking centered right now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
