No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
