But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
