Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
