and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm really busy with my period
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