u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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