I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
