We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
