It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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