Pants 0. Shit 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this will be a night to untag.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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