A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
