we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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