You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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