did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
