Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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