i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
