Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
