Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
