you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
