anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
