I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
