All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
