I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
