my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
