MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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