How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
