So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
