Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
