chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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